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文书解析-滨州帕克主校区(PSU-Park)

作者:郭亮         来源:澳际教育        浏览量:

  • 郭亮

    文书顾问

    2007年至今

    美国高端文书撰写

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    我的博文 我的案例
1. 申请PSU,我们需要先了解PSU的概况,是一所顶尖级的公立大学
宾夕法尼亚州立大学(The Pennsylvania State University 缩写PSU)是一所世界顶尖公立大学,位于美国宾夕法尼亚州,在全美公立大学中排名长期稳定在前十。被誉为美国‘公立常春藤’。宾夕法尼亚州立大学同时是世界顶尖大学联盟AAU(Association of American Universities)成员。宾州州立University Park分校在校学生人数为44817人,而宾州州立全部24个分校的在校学生人数总和为95833人。其学术科研能力走在世界前列,在工程、气象、地球科学、地理、传媒、管理学、特殊教育、农学等方面堪称世界顶尖,也是工业工程和英国文学在美国的发源地。
 
2.   PSU本科文书一直到目前为止,都是一篇500词且optional的短文,具体咱们分析一下:
Personal Statement (Optional) Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.
 
分析一下:PSU文书题目中核心的不是前面的部分,我相信任何学生都可以写自己的活动经历,生活经历等等。但是最主要的是要注意“not already reflected in your application or academic records”,没有在申请中反应出来的部分,而且这个部分还会帮助你在PSU以后的学习中取得成功。我们的故事选材要锁定这些条件。而且选择的这个题材,一定要代表“你”,PSU想听到的声音是“你”做了什么?你在这个故事中发生了什么?哪怕有惊天突变,外星人来临都不重要,重要的是“你”在这个故事中是如何体会的?一定要关注“你”在故事中的变化,或者表现。PSU想通过这个你的这个故事了解到你的性格中,有没有发现自己的一种变化,而这种变化也会影响到你的其他层面。
 
我来给出两个成功申请到PSU的文书范例,供有兴趣的同学家长参考一下:
第一位同学:描述了一个体育赛跑跑不动的场景,而展开的一系列故事,很朴实校园风:
Confident and proud, I was bending over my waist, standing in the starting line at our school sports meeting. “Bang!” upon hearing the clangorous sound of coach’s signal gun, I rushed ahead on the running track. Sprinting at the first round, I began to feel a huge exhaustion. It was my first long-distant running competition ever. Obviously, I did not understand how to distribute my strength into different parts in the whole competition. There came no surprise that I was terribly exhausted after the first quarter. I suddenly found, my legs were becoming more and more aching. When dashing for the finishing line, I could not even adjust my breath. Consequently, I had to stop and squeeze the oxygen into my lungs just before when I was about to lose my conscience. I stood awkwardly in the middle of the ground, looking at people passing through me.
 
Much to my dismay, I was the last one. My friends came to appease me. Though I pretended to be all right, I was depressed. Going back to home, I told mom about the bad result. Nonetheless, as usual, my mother handed me a bowl of rice and said: “Well, if you feel terrible, you should do it.”
 
“Do what?” I asked.
“Didn’t you say that sports are your strength? Then you can conquer it!”
“No, I can’t. It’s too hard.”
“Not so, honey. Do you think Bruce Lee was born with his beautiful martial art? You just need more practice to gain more skill.”
 
Thinking about her words, I felt refreshed. Recalling my performance, the most difficult obstacle that I was supposed to overcome was the pace of my breath. Every time the final destination was around the corner, I was out of breath. So I practiced this flaw for a year. Sometimes I thought I would quit. However, almost every night, from Old Street to the lake park beside my house, I insisted on doing practice. Finally, the new sports meeting came and I ran into the TOP 10. At that moment, seeing amazed facial look on my classmates, I felt truly proud of myself. Anyone who has ever practiced medium-and long-distance running knows the trial, the overwhelming sense of resignation and despair in the middle of my running as if I will never make it to the finish line. However, I kept running.
 
Long-distant running is not only a sport to me. The braveness to overcome the harsh condition and fight with my shortcomings is what I’ve learned. Similarly, in the pursuit of physics in PSU, as a confident and strong potential candidate, I will definitely confront the obstacles. But I would keep making progress, having learned the crucial lesson from the running training. I believe I can get the core of physics by incessant efforts. I would fight like one Nittany Lion, never to cower at PSU-Park.
 
第二位同学:描述了一次学校的话剧比赛,但是因为剧本意见不一致,与同学发生争执,但是想办法解决的场景,非常生活化的一次经历:
My heart sank. Stunned, I couldn’t believe my initial script for the English play was suddenly turned down by such a girl! After a deep breath, I started to try hard to coordinate with this issue.
 
As the chief director, I was capable of handling everything at the English Drama Festival, “KISS ENGLISH, KISS THE WORLD” on the Christmas Eve. Not only was I one of the hosts, but also I had to convey all the messages to the vice directors. I was also the actress and writer of the play, Snow White for my own class. I spent days revising my script into a humorous and romantic one. The rehearsal was going perfect. However,  one opposite writer, Jing talked to the drama teacher to convert the script into a historical illustration so as to adapt from the background of Louis ⅩⅥand Queen Mary. Especially, the drama teacher approved. Nevertheless, I must be responsible for the entire play. So I resolved to debate with her politely.
 
I discussed that despite impressive historical background of French Revolution her script didn’t match with the atmosphere of Christmas. Besides, I recommended that my original one be full of fun and romance. I spoke out these words, feeling my fear and shyness were left behind. Moreover, I discussed with her “it is already Dec.10th. All performers have just adjusted to the original one instead of the split-new one. ”My heart was beating fast as I popped out “You see, final exam is also around the corner. Everyone is under huge pressure. Umm…I hope you can reconsider.” She stared at me carefully for a minute. Suddenly, with smile, she said “Your points are amazing. I’m totally beat up. Ha-ha! Listen, Maggie. I do know exactly you are not defending for yourself. You are for the whole staff, the whole class” What a release! I shook hands with Jing and swore that I wound do my best for my class.
 
On premiere day, Snow White in my version hit the screen. As I expected, our performance obtained long-lasting applause. Also, we won the first prize for its romantic and funny plots. I could capture Jin’s beaming face and the bursting cheers. Two years flashed like dreams. However, I could still recall that day when I delivered my points to her and stuck to myself. Compared to the big success on the final show, I consider that episode of debate as a more success.
 
Through that experience, I am qualified to handle things, such coordinating with people logically and clearly. It came to my mind that no matter what happens; just go for it to resolve. When you think yourself as the leader, you have already owned a sense of leadership. What I’ve polished before will influence my exploration learning at PSU-Park for the next 4 years.
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